


Magik Michief

by dhapin



Category: Avengers (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 05:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4423751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dhapin/pseuds/dhapin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Magik really did switch the Avenger's underwear drawers and plugged the toilets while the Avengers were trapped in the time bubble (as proposed by her to Scott in Uncanny X-Men 3).  A bit of an adult take, which is slightly out of character for me, oh well have fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magik Michief

 

**Part 1: Avengers' tower while the Avengers are still trapped in Tempus's time bubble**

 

Illyana glanced around a corner of the Avengers tower on one of the residential floors, _"This is just too easy"_ she thought. _"You're slipping Strange, these detection Glyphs are easily bypassed by a Master practitioner"_ and a simple (I'm not here, don't pay attention to me or record me or what I'm doing) obscurement spell had done the rest for the technical monitoring.

 

 _"Man this is working out better then I ever could have thought"_ Illyana smirked to herself. _"I guess it makes sense that the Hulk has his own toilet stall, but man is that going suck when that sucker backflows_ " (the re-enforced porcelain throne had been enchanted to only achieve this result on a significant number 2 event).

 

 _"Sometime Scott you are just too uptight"_ Illyana reflected upon Scotts rejection of her prank idea _"Let's see, so far I've learned:"_

  1. Thor has all five years of the "Ladies of Asgard" calendars on his walls and some rather interesting underwear.
  2. Stark is a complete perv (just as Emma is always saying), sex bots disguised as maid bots in his room, well he should have been more careful about his passwords.
  3. Banner is a bit of a hoarder (just how many pairs of purple pants do you really need?).
  4. Black Widow is a skank, well here's some extra payback for that game on the moon ( **Ешьте** **унижение** **сука** )
  5. At least Captain America is as squeaky clean as his image implies.



 

 _"And I guess I've also learned the Hulk's deepest darkest secret"_ Illyana thought as she port'd away. _"It's boxers not briefs, I guess he got one Gama inspired wedgie too many_. _Now I know why the Hulk is always so angry when he transforms, ouch no room for the twins"_.

 

 

**Part 2: Avengers return to Avengers' tower after Tempus's time bubble expires**

 

The group (Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Captain America, Hawkeye, and the Black Widow walked into their residential wing of the tower.

 

 _"Well that sucked"_ Stark restated as his Iron Man face mask folded back. _"The news coverage is brutal; Scott took all of us out instantly and did it non-violently to boot"_. _"We looked like complete smucks"_ Stark concluded.

 

 _"Me thinks I am in need of some rest and refreshment"_ Thor uttered. " _Come my friends let us is drink mead, I have a special casket in my quarters, and then we shall plan how we shall address this stain upon our honor"_.

 

As the group entered Thor's room (Tony planned on having a diet Coke) Thor suddenly sensed that his room had been disturbed (godly senses do come in handy).

 

" _Verily we may be under attack"_ Thor declared, " _Mjolnir to me"!_

 

As the war hammer sprang into Thor's mighty right hand a top dresser drawer begin to emit a low humming sound and an old mead glass on the dresser begin to vibrate.

 

 _"Stand back, it may be a bomb or some other nefarious device"_ Thor proclaimed as he swung his hammer in an underhanded arch removing the top of the dresser. Thor thrust his left hand within the pile of rather feminine socks and drew forth the object in question.

 

 _"Wait"_ cried a panicked Black Widow as she recognized her socks " _I don't think... I mean it might, um_ ". It was too late.

 

 _"Tony what villainous device is.... Oh, um, ah"_ Thor uttered has he stared in horrified fascination upon the rather excessively large phallic shaped device he held forth to the gaze of all.

 

 _"Well I can't be completely certain without additional examination_ " Iron Man deadpan'd replied, _"But my technical belief is that it is a voice activated self pleasuring device of unusual... capability, model XXL-12 I think_. _Hmm, not your usual WMD but I guess it gets the job done; bit of overkill though."_

" _Be careful where you point that thing, it might go off"_ Tony finished with a smirk.

 

Thor quickly dropped the device whereas it is noisily started skipping itself across the floor resulting in Captain America quickly jumping out of the device's way.

 

 _"Oh GOD No"_ Widow declared as she put both of her hands over her eyes.

 

 _"Um, I don't think this is really an Avengers Assemble moment"_ Captain America slowly stated, the device started to vibrate extra hard upon the phrase Avengers Assemble, the increased vibrations now causing the device (did I mention it was black?) to reached heights of 8 inches off the floor as it continued to clatter about the room.

 

Black Widow ran from the room, in embarrassment, leaving the rest of the Avengers standing around, not looking each other in the eye. Suddenly Hawkeye got a mischievous twinge and started to yell other phrases at the device " _Its Clobbering time"_ , _"Tremble before Doom"_ , _"Hulk Smash"_ , _"My spidey sense is tingling"_ and other enthusiastic catchphrases; all of which appeared to trigger the device to activate additional and sometimes unusual behaviors.

 

 _"Thor knows not of such things"_ Thor sheepishly declared while scratching the back of his neck with his left hand (he was trying to stay in godly character) " _He only knows... DANG IT, GET THAT BLASTED DILDO AWAY FROM ME_ " as he batted away the offending instrument with Mjolnir while device continued to bounce around the room like some kind of demented projectile seeking its rightful prey.

 

 _"Ok, that enough fun"_ Captain America declared as he trapped the device underneath his shield where it continued to noisily clatter about (Tony lost it at the word fun which earned him a dirty look from Steve).

 

" _We're all adults here, I think its best that we simply identify whose stuff has been switched with whom's and leave it at that; no peeking_. _I'll return Widow's... Um... stuff, the rest of you go to your rooms and just glance in the drawers and declare the perceived gender of the contents, if it's mixed it's likely Tony's_ ".

 

Thor suddenly started with a slight panicky look as spider woman yelled out from down the hallway _"Who has the purple spandex thongs? Is it Banner's? They appear a bit too big for Banner."_

_"Um, maybe Tony can repurpose one of his robots to do the actual sorting and transfers"_ Steve replied as he rubbed his eyes; then it was Tony's turn to start as Thor's closet opened as one of the three Stark sex bots activated (she was dressed as a naughtily mother superior).

 

 _"Tony you've been a bad bad boy"_ she said as she advanced on the group (like a demented Doom bot) while smacking a ruler into her left hand, _"Time for a good spanking"_...

 

 

**Part 3: Meanwhile somewhere...**

 

Illyana was collapsed on the floor, next to an impromptu scrying pool, with hysterical giggles.

 

 _"Thank the abyss I set this thing to record"_ she thought as she again was struck with helpless laugher as the two remaining Stark sex bots started chasing the remaining Avengers around like a bad Benny Hill episode, ignoring all of Tony's shouted shutdown commands. At one point Black Widow could be seen blasting one bot into ruin with her wrist rockets while screaming _"Die you robot whore, DIE!"_ while Mrs. Marvel kept trying to blast the bouncing Dildo which seemed somehow to always avoid the blasts.

 

Emma was wrong; Illyana did have a sense of humor, just not a very nice one.


End file.
